Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
