A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You need Xanax blowdarts
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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