Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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