He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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