Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
