You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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