i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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