my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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