right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
