I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
