I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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