Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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