Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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