I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
