I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
