think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
