I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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