nut hugger
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
