I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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