I'm really into asian looking animals
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
