So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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