i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
