Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
