The maid of honor just puked.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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