I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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