You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
