Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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