6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
