After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
