He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
