I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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