Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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