Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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