Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
