Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Houston, we have a blender
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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