i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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