billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
