I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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