im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize