i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
