foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
