So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
