Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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