I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
