so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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