I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
