I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
