Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
