I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
