I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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