so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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