the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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