How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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