She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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