I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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