i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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