Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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