Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
