you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
