Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
