Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
did i walk over a car last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
