As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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