Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
