Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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