Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize