There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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