doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
