The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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