I like my sex mixed with concussions.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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