totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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