I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
