ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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