I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
