i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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